Now I am sure how many of you have read the book Men Are from Mars Women Are From Venus by John Gray. Well if you say to yourself “I just don’t get men” I suggest you take a read.
Well to summarise this book, when men have a problem they go into their cave and sort it out on their own and when they have sorted it they reappear from the cave and let people know what they are going to do.
When women have a problem they talk and yes I talked to a few very close and dear friends. But they cannot make the decision for you even though they are silently screaming at you telling you for your own sanity you need to leave.
This again causes inner conflict:
- Should I stay
- What if I go
- What about the kids
- How will I support myself
- What about the holiday we have booked!!!
From my professional hat I have seen many women and indeed men, who I have helped through being “stuck” in an unhappy marriage, at times it feels like you are wading through treacle.
As a therapist I helped them explore their world, to acknowledge they have choices, to help them identify they are choosing to leave or in some cases choosing to stay, but more importantly to understand exactly why they are choosing to leave or stay. To clarify this is worth working at, or I have worked it to death.
I have helped them to identify what it is exactly that they are unhappy with, as in some cases it is not crystal clear, likewise in other cases it is extremely obvious. I have supported them to put strategies in place and to build a support system, to enable them to leave the marriage
It is easier at times to help other people rather than yourself.
You cannot tell a woman to leave, or likewise a man it has to be their decision and the timing has to be right for them.
Easy to blame your therapist for leaving !!!!